Relationships with Dr. Jankovich: Processing Divorce | KUNR

Relationships with Dr. Jankovich: Processing Divorce

Aug 6, 2020

When you are not the one who wanted the divorce, getting through losing your marriage is much harder than if you’re the one who wanted the divorce.  

It’s normal to feel shocked, unable to believe this is really happening; to plead and argue with your partner to work on keeping the marriage; to blame the partner, suggesting it could work if they would only fix what wrong with them.  When all efforts fail and the divorce occurs, it’s common for the one who was left to continually go over what went wrong, what could have saved the marriage, what’s wrong with the partner who left.  Friends and family weary from hearing the same narrative over and over, wondering why the person doesn’t just accept the divorce and move on.  But, repeating and reworking the narrative to explain the end of the marriage is a way through grief towards acceptance.  You may be frustrated listening, but working out the narrative through repetition, actually moves the grief along towards acceptance.  Have patience-they’ll eventually get through it.