Relationships with Dr. Rebecca Jankovich

THURSDAYS DURING FRESH AIR

Dr. Jankovich's Relationship Minute airs Thursdays during Fresh Air, between 2:37 and 2:47 p.m.

Dr. Jankovich has been working as a psychologist since 1974. She works with a range of problems including relationships, depression, anxiety, sleep disorders, grief, trauma, and struggles with life transitions. Rebecca practices what she preaches to not burn out by leaving the office to ride equine races with her horses, and travel the world.

Ways to Connect

Woman and dog walking along a beach
Hefin Owen / Flickr Creative Commons

It’s difficult to adjust to a divorce if you’ve been married since you were in your 20’s, and your life has been centered around family and work.

A women sitting on a bench by herself. She is looking down at the ground.
Ryan McGuire / Pixabay

Clients ask what they can do to care less about whether people like them.

Elder hands resting on top of a book.
Marty Hadding / Flickr Creative Commons

When a loved one has dementia, you go through stages of acceptance.

A man holding out a credit card.
CafeCredit.com / Flickr Creative Commons

The New York Times suggests before sending your teenager to college, teach them financial basics.

Emotions are complex but not always rational.

When you are not the one who wanted the divorce, getting through losing your marriage is much harder than if you’re the one who wanted the divorce.  

In my office partners complain about their person being on the phone rather than paying attention to them.  It’s not just teenagers who are glued to their phones. 

When you diminish your partner’s feelings, opinions, reactions…you only create resentment and resistance. 

When your alcoholic partner gets sober, you expect to feel exuberant-you can relax and have the relationship you believed was possible.  Only, that’s not what usually happens.  

Using yourself as the frame from which to decide if someone else’s reactions are normal, is a really bad idea, yet it's something we all seem to do.  

No one escapes having regrets; the longer you live, the more you have.  Regrets for a decision made, or a choice you didn’t make; regrets for foolish behavior that lead to bad outcomes; regrets for self- destructive acts, regrets for a path not taken.  

With the instant access of cell phones, parents, especially mothers are complaining that when they contact their children, it can take hours or even an entire day, for their child to get back to them. 

Wonder why you’re more tired doing your work through video platforms like Zoom, Facetime, or Skype? 

Emotions and concerns about the future have been running high with the sequester and the pandemic.  

Many are struggling with the fear of not being able to predict that’s going to happen because of the COVID 19 pandemic.  What we read, the news we hear, keeps triggering our fears about possible changes in the future; like not knowing when the economy will rebound. 

When there’s an agreement for change, partners tend to keep the agreement for a few weeks, then someone falls out, and the agreement fades.  

Blaming your partner for something unavoidable that’s already over, is harmful to your relationship.  I’m not talking about blaming a partner for bad decisions that were clearly under their control like infidelity.  I’m talking about getting fired, being in a car accident, or the flight is cancelled. 

You have a buying problem if you’re spending more money than your budget allows, hiding your purchases, neglecting other responsibilities because you are shopping, or your shopping is causing problems in your relationships.

Just because you have memory slips and you’re over 50, does not mean you are heading for dementia.  If you are over 50, it’s common to have someone’s name slip your mind; to misplace things; to struggle to find the right word; to walk into a room and forget why you went there.

Our ideas about pedophiles are changing. We used to think pedophiles acquire sexual attraction to children because they were sexually abused themselves as children.  Not so.  

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