When your alcoholic partner gets sober, you expect to feel exuberant-you can relax and have the relationship you believed was possible. Only, that’s not what usually happens.
Now that your partner is sober, the long crisis is lifting which creates space that allows you to recognize all the other issues in the relationship-issues you’ve been sitting on for years because you knew bringing them up would only lead to more fighting. The alcoholic wants credit for giving up drinking, and you want to talk about poor communication, lousy conflict resolutions, loss of emotional and physical intimacy, ugly events when they were drunk, poor parenting, and all your resentments. You wonder what was wrong with you for staying all this time in such a fractured, unhappy relationship-and do you even still love this person who’s caused so much pain. All these feeling are common when you’re alcoholic gets sober. Sobriety is not the end of the struggle, it’s the beginning. Get into couples’ counseling.