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Relationships with Dr. Jankovich: Self As A Frame Of Reference

Using yourself as the frame from which to decide if someone else’s reactions are normal, is a really bad idea, yet it's something we all seem to do.  

We think, “That’s not the way I would feel if that happened to me”; and if it’s not the way we would feel, then the other is over reacting, misinterpreting, has another motive like trying to make us feel guilty, or get back at us.  When trying to get the other to understand us, how often have you heard, “put yourself in my shoes, how would you feel then?”  We don’t all react to situations the same way because of our different perspectives on life developed by our cultural and family backgrounds, our gender, age, education, or travel.  So, accept at face value how someone tells you they’re reacting and deal with their feelings rather than discounting them because they’re different than yours would be.

Dr. Jankovich is a former commentator for “Relationships with Dr. Rebecca Jankovich” and has been working as a psychologist since 1974.
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