A handful of dance partners turned friends practiced choreography together, swaying, spinning, and stomping in unison in a sunroom before their big recital.
They were inside the 70s-style home of Angie Benedickt, surrounded by vintage cookware, a large record collection, and family photos. One framed picture shows her two sons and two daughters with their curly Barbara Streisand- and Farrah Fawcett-inspired hair.
Their childhood home is where the two daughters now take turns each month caring for their mom, who has dementia.
The dance ensemble they’re part of, called “Dance With Me,” hosted by Dementia Friendly Washoe County in partnership with the Ballroom of Reno, is geared toward care partners and their loved ones. It’s one of the weekly activities they enjoy together, said Angie’s daughter, Cheryl Benedickt.
“I love dancing with my mom. I kind of got that beat, but it’s not proper. My mom does great; it motivates her, it stimulates her,” Benedickt said.
When Angie’s husband passed away six years ago, her eldest daughter, Carol Earley, said the siblings made a joint decision.
“Mom’s not going in a home,” Earley said.
The sisters said it’s one of the few things they can agree on. But that choice forced Earley to retire early, and she took a hit to her income. And that’s not the only thing she’s had to balance.
“There are days I just want to be her daughter and not a caregiver,” Earley said. “When you grow up, your parents are titans. This is a woman who has 60 years of work experience and raising kids in a household.”
Their mom was raising four kids by age 25 while working a number of jobs, including picking onions, strawberries, cantaloupes, and cotton.
Looking back, she said there were early signs their mom was living with dementia.
“I noticed it even before anybody else did because she quit calling us. If they had the old dial phone, they would remember it,” Earley said.
More than 600,000 people, or nearly a quarter of adults in Nevada, are caring for a family member, whether that’s an aging parent, spouse, or child, said Todd Story, state director of AARP Nevada, the nonprofit supporting people 50 years and older.
“Most families think of this as, this is just what you do, you take care of family,” Story said.
That calculates to nearly half a billion unpaid hours of care every year, Story said. During the next legislative session in 2027, he said AARP Nevada will fight for paid time off for caregiving.
“As people age, they want to grow older in their own home, a space that they’re familiar with. How best to provide that care for them is family members coming in and out. It just makes sense for us to recognize that care is occurring and support those individuals because they’re actually doing a service for us as a society,” Story said.
While Nevada is still working to address this issue, other governments have developed some solutions. New Mexico guaranteed a constitutional right to early childhood education and became the first state to offer universal childcare. Germany allows employees to work part-time for up to two years and take out an interest-free loan to cover lost wages while caring for a family member.
Family caregivers also alleviate demand on the professional care workforce, said Jennifer Ng’andu, managing director of strategic portfolios at the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation, a national philanthropy addressing health inequities. She said while caregiving comes with financial and emotional strain, it’s also extremely meaningful.
“When we ask them about their experience, the first thing that comes up is the joy. Yes, people will ultimately say, ‘It’s the toughest thing that I’ve ever done,’ but they always come back to it’s the most fulfilling part of their lives,” Ng’andu said.
For Earley, it has been an honor, and it has meant quality time with her 85-year-old mom.
“It’s funny, when I take her to a banjo lesson or something, and there’s these little kids, I’m like, ‘My mom takes me to my practice too,’ and their poor mom’s like, ‘Oh no, I've got 60 more years taking my kid to music class?’” Earley laughed.
The two sisters performed alongside their mom and new friends at their summer dance recital, and now they’re already preparing for the Christmas showcase.
This story was published with the assistance of the Journalism & Women Symposium Health Journalism Fellowship, supported by The Commonwealth Fund.
