When you diminish your partner’s feelings, opinions, reactions…you only create resentment and resistance.
People tell me they don’t say demeaning things and their partner is just over-reacting. Makes me smile because by saying their partner over reacts, they are demeaning the value of their partner’s feelings. If you want to get along and be close, you must behave as though your partner’s point of view is valid, even when it’s not the way you see things. Eliminate all these words when you talk with them: unreasonable, petty, ridiculous, silly, passive-aggressive, controlling, out of control, unhinged, stupid, ignorant, or hormonal. Even thinking of your partner in these terms, but not saying it out loud, means you’re belittling them. People experience the world differently, especially if they’re different genders. Different does not mean you can dismiss their viewpoint. Sure it’s different from yours, but if you want to get along, you have to deal with how they feel. Their reactions don’t simply go away because you dismiss them.
