Reno resident Ky Plaskon describes himself as a non-partisan liberal, while his partner leans conservative. They were not aware of their political differences until a few weeks after they started dating.
“We're pretty lucky compared to a lot of people that may be meeting up with family that they haven't seen all the time or in a long time. We talk about politics all the time and talk about all kinds of issues that we might have conflict with,” he said.
Despite their differences, Plaskon said they focus on mutual respect and understanding during conflict.
“Our heart rates go up, and I can see that happening, and we have to just remain really calm and respectful of each other. I spend a lot of time listening. And then she does listen really, really well as well,” he said.
Plaskon tries to find common ground with his partner, which helps with redirecting their differences.
“We both love bikes and we both love free speech, and we both love women's rights, and we both dislike war, and we both want the economy to be better. I also find areas where I respect the other side's candidate, and express those things so that she knows that I'm not coming at it from I'm going to attack your candidate,” Plaskon said.
Being with someone with different political values helps understand people, with opportunities for growth, learning and teaching, he said. Plaskon remembers discussing Washoe County ballot question No. 1 that would have allocated a portion of existing property taxes to support public libraries.
“She uses the library all the time, and she loves the library, but she voted against the library tax just because it was a tax. And then I explained to her that, as a property owner, I'm already paying that, and I've been paying it, and she's just taking money away that they already had. And she said, ‘Oh my god, I can't believe I voted against that.’ She felt terrible,” he said.
People shouldn’t be embarrassed for being in a relationship with someone who thinks differently, Plaskon said. “I think that it's an opportunity, and that we should be celebrating diversity in our thoughts and in our options and thinking about new ways of approaching problems.”
For Michael Gardner, a Reno local frustrated by political division, avoiding conflict has become his strategy.
“For me, it's having friends that have different political views and it's tough, obviously, if things didn't turn out the way you wanted them to, but I think it's important that people always kind of keep a good perspective,” Gardner said.
People need to learn how to find coping mechanisms instead of trying to change someone’s mind, Gardner said.
“I think it's important that people don't just cut off all contact with anybody because they voted a way that you didn't like, or things like that. I also think it's important not to rub things in,” he said.
People are more likely to engage in political conversations because of post-election stress and uncertainty about what will happen, said social psychologist Markus Kemmelmeier.
“You have a number of different ways in which people really anticipate change and worry about change, and right now it's because we don't know yet what a new government will do, what they will be able to do. It's not entirely clear, and you will see many people who feel really stressed, at the thought of these kinds of changes that they feel will be unfavorable to them,” Kemmelmeier said.
People generally want to get along, but it only takes a few heated exchanges to spoil everyone's dinner, he said. To help families and friends navigate these moments, Kemmelmeier emphasizes the importance of listening.
“You need to be ready to engage in this and be listening. But this active listening, in some ways, non judgmentally listening, is actually a great opportunity. You're going to learn something about this and maybe the other side. Even when you feel that you very much disagree with them, you may come to a better understanding as to what makes them think, what makes them feel a certain way,” Kemmelmeier said.
Kemmelmeier also encourages guests to be mindful of their host. If politics come up, frame the conversation peacefully, he said. Hosts can also redirect the focus to shared memories or gratitude.
With respect, families can ensure Thanksgiving remains a celebration of gratitude rather than division.
