'I Will Never Lie About Being Gay Again': LGBT Activist Remembers Source Of Pride

Jun 7, 2019
Originally published on June 7, 2019 5:14 am

Fifty years ago this month, police raided a gay bar in New York City called the Stonewall Inn.

It was a common occurrence at the time, but on this night, patrons – trans women of color, lesbians, drag queens and gay men – said "enough." The raid ignited six days of protests and became known as the Stonewall Riots – largely credited with sparking the modern gay rights movement.

At StoryCorps, Alexei Romanoff, an 82-year-old gay rights activist, remembers growing up in New York in the 1950s before the Stonewall uprising. He recounts a mentor who taught him the value of gay pride — long before he organized demonstrations at a gay bar in Los Angeles, marched in pride parades or served as LA Pride's Grand Marshal.

Romanoff met the mentor as a teenager in New York City's Bryant Park, where he and his friends would hang out because they were too young to get into bars. Back then, he says, he was self-assured but private about his sexual orientation.

"He was about 86 years old and to this day, I don't know his real name. All I know him by is what we called him — Mother Bryant," Romanoff said.

Mother Bryant would tell the group stories about living as a young gay man in the late 19th century. He'd been beaten by the police and felt forced to move to New York City, "where he'd be anonymous," Romanoff said.

"Here was a man that openly spoke out about being gay, and I was needing that kind of tutoring to feel good about myself," Romanoff said. "I was never ashamed of being gay but, I gotta admit, I hid it."

In the mid-1950s, faced with discriminatory housing practices, gay men would often lie and call their partners their brothers, Romanoff said. When he planned to move into a new apartment in New York City and was confronted by the landlord, his mind flashed to something Mother Bryant once told him.

"He said, 'When you're ready to leave this Earth, as I am, if you haven't left your community in a better place than you found it, then you haven't lived.' And I wanted to live," Romanoff said.

Romanoff took Mother Bryant's lesson to heart.

"So I said, 'He's my partner and my lover'... And the landlord looks at me, says, 'OK, here's the key,' " he said. "I got goosebumps and I looked up and I said, 'Thank you, Mother Bryant. I will never lie about being gay again.' And I haven't to this day."

After all these years, Romanoff said, he hopes he's like Mother Bryant. "He was responsible for making me proud of who I am."

Audio produced for Morning Edition by Mia Warren and Liyna Anwar.

StoryCorps is a national nonprofit that gives people the chance to interview friends and loved ones about their lives. These conversations are archived at the American Folklife Center at the Library of Congress, allowing participants to leave a legacy for future generations. Learn more, including how to interview someone in your life, at StoryCorps.org.

Copyright 2019 NPR. To see more, visit https://www.npr.org.

RACHEL MARTIN, HOST:

Fifty years ago this month, police raided a gay bar in New York City called the Stonewall Inn. It was a common occurrence at the time. But on this night, the raid ignited six days of protests and violence. What became known as the Stonewall riots sparked the modern LGBT rights movement. Today from StoryCorps, looking back on life before Stonewall. Eighty-two-year-old Alexei Romanoff sat down with his husband, David Farah, to talk about growing up gay in New York in the 1950s.

ALEXEI ROMANOFF: I already knew that I was gay at 14. And there was a group of us, so we would hang out together. We couldn't get into the bars, but there was a park called Bryant Park. It was kind of like a gay hangout. And there was an older man that used to come at least once a day. He was about 86 years old. And to this day, I don't know his real name. All I know him by is what we called him - Mother Bryant.

He would sit and tell us what it was like to be gay in 1890 when he was 20. He would tell us about the police in the town he came from. They would beat him every day. They didn't want to put him in jail. They just wanted him to go anywhere else. And he moved to New York City, where he'd be anonymous. Here was a man that openly spoke out about being gay, and I was needing that kind of tutoring to feel good about myself. I was never ashamed of being gay, but I got to admit I hid it.

Later on, I met somebody, and we wanted to move in together. But in those days, two men couldn't rent an apartment together if they weren't related. So we used to lie and say, we're brothers, but we had different fathers. That's why our last names are different. So I went to this apartment with my partner at the time, and we looked at it. And we liked it. We said, we'll take it.

Then the landlord asked us, what's the relationship between the two of you? And the thing that stuck in my mind was Mother Bryant. He said, when you're ready to leave this Earth, as I am, if you haven't left your community in a better place than you found it, then you haven't lived. And I wanted to live, so I said, he's my partner and my lover. And then I look at my partner, and his face was as white as a ghost. His mouth was hanging open, and there was this look of, what the hell have you just done? And the landlord looks at me, says, OK. Here's the key. I got goose bumps.

And I looked up, and I said, thank you, Mother Bryant. I will never lie about being gay again. And I haven't to this day. You know, after all these years, I think to myself, I hope I'm a lot like Mother Bryant. He was responsible for making me proud of who I am.

(SOUNDBITE OF BLUE DOT SESSIONS' "SURLY BONDS")

MARTIN: That was Alexei Romanoff speaking with his husband David Farah at StoryCorps in 2015. Yesterday, the NYPD police commissioner formally apologized for the raid at Stonewall. They said it was, quote, "wrong; plain and simple." Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.